love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
i haven’t really been up to posting lately. i’ve just been feeling blah, as i said in previous blogs and i’m not sure if it’s trying to conceive blues, this hot ass summer, depression, growing up/new phase in life or what. lately i’ve just been feeling like i’m in an uncontrollable funk. i have spurts of happiness but other than that, i’m just whatever. and tired.
even still, i have many rays of sunshine going on. beware- long post ahead
first off, the insemination went well i think. i had my peak on friday morning so we inseminated about 2 am so that it could be 18 hours later. then we were able to check into our hotel early on saturday, so we did another insemination then.
in-laws and extended family
meanwhile A’s brother, little A, had a great birthday party and her mom actually spoke to me and seemed to accept me. at first it was very awkward being there because my role was very ambiguous. A’s mom’s friends were looking at me like “who are you” and of course i was introduced as simply “liberty” (well not really, my real name, but all the A’s might confuse you). but towards the end of the party, we were talking with one of the mom’s and she said “you two should have kids soon.” i was like WHOA because she just basically stopped pussy-footing around the issue and treated us like we are NORMAL.
after that, we went back to austin and A’s mom and brother decided to join us so that they could see a cousin the next day. they stayed at the cousin’s house and we stayed at the hotel. the next morning, the cousin was like “next time ya’ll aren’t staying in a hotel. you’re family!” right in front of A’s mom who looked a bit bashful since she makes us stay in a hotel. her cousin also kept asking A if she was happy and reassuring her that that’s all that matters as long as she’s a good person. i was so touched because she’s the first extended family i’ve met and it meant a lot to ME to see someone from her family embracing her with no ultimatums, like her parents did.
and here’s the kicker, her mom even hugged me at the end of the visit and acknowledged that i am “sweet” and didn’t freak out when i would take little A to the bathroom or try to keep him entertained while the growups were talking.
so that visit made me feel a lot better and reassured.
we ended up having our first ultrasound today. A had some spotting saturday night and again this afternoon. needless to say, as a first time mom, she was completely freaked out and inconsolable. i felt so bad because there was nothing i could do. she texted me during my oh-so-boring pre-AP training to say that she got a doctor’s appointment today, so i used that as a cue to slip out the door. plus, i want to try to be at every possible appointment.
at the doctor’s office, we had our first ultrasound and the doctor confirmed that everything looked fine and on target. she had her blood taken and they will compare the beta levels in 2 more days. i’m confident that everything is fine, though when the technician was taking FOREVER to show us the ultrasound screen, i got worried and started my prayers.
here’s our first picture of our pepita:
tww- 2 dpo
this time, i made SURE i was accurate in counting the days post ovulation. i even did additional ovulation predictor tests to make sure that it really did pass, so i definitely ovulated between friday and saturday. however, the weird thing is that i’ve been having intense mittelschmerz pain today and yesterday- today more than anything. i did another opk just to make sure i’m ont ovulating again so i have no idea what’s going on. the area is tender to the touch too and i highly doubt it’s gas because of the location. i guess time will tell! 12 days until testing!!
today’s affirmation: this too shall pass