love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
doesn’t matter b/c i knew it anyway. i’m just upset because i had a 2 hour window when i thought i was. i took a clearblue digital that said “not pregnant” but upon opening it up, there was the infamous ghost second line. A got all excited and hugged me, and for a minute i felt.. i don’t know.. good enough. but i also knew better than to get my hopes up. so we went out to get dinner and more tests. i’m glad i was playing it safe because when we got home, i looked up the second line on clearblue tests and saw that it was due to LH and had nothing to do whatsoever with being pregnant. and 2 more pregnancy tests confirmed that i’m not.
because i’m going to be going to school next fall, i can’t continue this indefinitely. there’s no way i can deliver next september if i’m to start grad school in sept. so by my calculations, i have about 3 more tries.
please, don’t leave the “there’s hope,” or “wait until your period shows,” or “maybe you tested too early” comments. i’m sorry, but i don’t believe any of them.
the beauty of it all is that all the pms symptoms have hit me today full force– burning nips, horrible headache (that’s a new one for this month, yay! and nausea (also new). i feel like i won a prize. i’m wondering if the headache and nausea are because i haven’t had enough water. i thought i was drinking enough but i feel positively sick to my stomach today.
fuck that. i’m going shopping.