l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

menopur miracles

the full weight of the possibility that i won’t be pregnant this time around is hitting me. in previous months, i’ve always had the “well maybe next time” attitude. but now i can’t bank on that. i’m actually dreading tomorrow’s follie check because i don’t expect my eggs to have grown exponentially in two days. 

a few years ago i had resigned myself to the fact that maybe i won’t have kids despite my greatest desire, and i know i’ll have pepita soon, but that longing in my tummy doesn’t go away. and i’m sad about it. i know you all are commenting that i’m so “strong” but honestly i dont feel like it. i feel numb at times, sad at others, and resigned at my fate too. i think that i don’t know how to be mad for real. often, i take on the “strong black woman” persona and just accept everything. lately, i’ve been short tempered and explosive and i’m not sure why (we’re working it out in therapy). i don’t know what the middle ground looks like. i hope to learn that soon.

tonight i toast my last injection of menopur and find out my fate tomorrow.

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2 comments on “menopur miracles

  1. Lisa
    November 11, 2008

    I had a follie 11mm on the left side and no other significant follies. A few days later (2?) I went back and I had a 21mm follie on the right side. That follie just grew out of no where so there is hope. Good luck. I’m rooting for you.

    Like

  2. liberationtheory
    November 11, 2008

    thanks lisa for that reassurance. it gave me a small slice of hope.

    Like

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This entry was posted on November 10, 2008 by in countdown to ovulation, ttc, Uncategorized and tagged .

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