love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
sometimes you have to get really far away from yourself in order to be able to evaluate where you’ve been and where you want to go.
when i began this trying to conceive process, i did so with so much confidence and knowing that it would work. at the same time, i wonder if i thought being a mother would finally make me feel complete as it’s been a dream of mine for so long. month after month, the confidence wore down and i became someone i no longer recognized. i became pessimistic, doubtful, short-tempered, angry, and anxious. anyone who knows me for true KNOWS that’s not me.
now i’m at this crossroad and i finally am figuring out the path that i need to take. i need to get back to the heart of the matter– i’m a being and spirit in this universe. i am a part and the whole, all at once. everything happens for a reason. perhaps the reason for all this was a reminder to take care of my whole Self and to truly have faith.
i’m not going to sit up here and pretend that i’m all happy and healed now because that takes time and i am still in search of a therapist. but i do feel a lot more motivated and capable of being how i was and if not, better.
some of the things i’m doing right now to get back on track
so that’s where i am right now. i know i make such proclamations often and that’s okay. all we have is this moment and this is where i am today.