l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

finally an answer

i had my surgery today and my medical team was great.

i never, ever had surgery (even still have my wisdom teeth) and was very nervous about the anesthesia. i had all these fears of having an allergic reaction, never waking up, never realizing that i was dead. i’m not sure if i’m normal but i was very freaked out about that.

i had to fast from midnight last night and even take an enema. ladies and gentleman, i had the BGs like no OTHER! they even lasted until this morning. (this is a bit disjointed b/c my dear vicky [vicoden] is with me). then, this morning i got to sleep in (which is 7:30 for me) and lounge around until bathtime and leaving for the hospital.

we stopped off at target to get my meds– vicoden and promethazine for nausea– and then checked in at the surgery center. soon after, i was whisked to the back, made to disrobe and take off all my jewelry. i had already left my wedding ring and waistbeads at home (i never take them off and feel quite naked without them) but i couldn’t my piercing off down below. no i’m not talking about my navel. so i had to tell the doctor so he could take it off when i was under the anesthesia and put it back on. in conservative ass texas, it was quite humorous to see people’s reactions when they see me– seemingly straight-laced and teacher-like– reveal that i have a clit hood piercing.

in the pre-op room, i had to take some nasty ass alka seltzer and pepcid for my stomach (i have no clue why), take a preggo test, and then they gave me my IV and A came to the back with me. both drs GAP and MF came to talk to me. then they gave me the happy drugs and i remember being carted down the hall.

later i woke up to one of the drs talking to A and i felt like i had just had a really good nap. i remember A saying the surgery was longer than expected and i remember asking her what the outcome was and she said blockage and i couldn’t get pregnant. i was pretty calm. partially b/c i thought i was misunderstanding or maybe it was because i finally had an answer.

so that’s where we stand. i have blockage from the inside of my tubes beginning at my uterus and this time NO dye got through. my options are more surgery or ivf. right now, i’m going to do neither. maybe i’ll do surgery in the spring. since i maxed out my out-of-pocket contributions for the year and it will be 100% covered. or maybe i’ll wait until we move back to the east and wait for that insurance to kick in b/c ivf will be covered.

but that’s where i stand right now. of course there’s so much more to say and so many more questions. but miss vicky won’t let me process all of that too much.

thank you everyone for your continued support on this TTC journey. it has taken me places i never thought i would go, but i have not one regret. at the end of the day, i’m still going to be a mommy and my little pepita is going to be more spoiled than ever!


6 comments on “finally an answer

  1. poetrystruth
    December 12, 2008

    Aww Lib, well shit! That just sucks. I know you have Pepita that’s a blessing. I’m happy you have an answer, though not the one you wanted. I love you guys (weird I know), but I do. I’m praying for you and I hope things get better in the spring.

    Love and hugs


  2. Lisa
    December 12, 2008

    Lib, my heart sank when I read the outcome. I’m in awe of your grace. This is heartbreaking news. I wish you well. Lisa


  3. Travelher
    December 13, 2008

    I’m so sorry to hear your news. Please take care of yourself and each other.


  4. Lisa
    December 13, 2008

    Even though it’s not the best news, it’s probably a relief to know what’s up. And now, you know specifically what route you need to take to better your chances.

    I’m still laughing at “ament,” by the way.


  5. reproducinggenius
    December 13, 2008

    I am so sorry to hear this, but I hope that knowing what is going on will help you move forward and find the path that is right for you. Sending you love and light.


  6. halfadozen
    December 15, 2008

    I’m sure that having an answer is helpful , but this particular answer probably is also so stressful. I send big hugs…

    I am totally terrified of ever having to have surgery, because I too, have never been “out”. I’m glad to know it felt like a good nap!


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This entry was posted on December 12, 2008 by in infertility/ttc, RE, surgery, Uncategorized and tagged , .

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