sunday scribblings #2
here is the prompt for today’s sunday scribblings:
#148 — Regrets
Got any? Things you wish you’d done differently? Things you wish you’d said or not said? Things you want to be sure to do and say now so that you don’t end up with regrets?
i’m usually not one for regrets. my mantra generally is that everything i’ve been through, good or bad, has made me who i am. however, if i were to go back in time, there are some lessons i wish i would have mastered.
1- “don’t argue with a fool. onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.”
i’ve been pondering this quote today, especially considering all the new e-ballerz
in my life. i’ve been searching for the common thread with a lot of the arguments that i’ve had with people and it seems to boil down to two things. first off, i always feel the need to speak up for the voiceless. it angers me to no end when people take advantage of the fact that there are those out there that won’t or can’t speak up for themselves, that take advantage of the fact that everyone will automatically agree with them and dare not speak against them. so i seem to take that burden on, even though i’m not asked to. secondly, i always feel the need to defend myself. i feel that if i don’t speak up for myself then i’ll be a door mat, once again. too often in my life, i’ve allowed myself to be one, so when certain situations arise, i will fight tooth and nail to defend my name, my honor. at the end of the day, it does no good and leaves me more upset than i started. i guess both reasons stem from my feelings of powerlessness and voicelessness as a child.
2- “don’t become a ‘make-do’ woman.” i just read this pearl of wisdom today on my favorite message board. the gist of it is that men (or any person in power) will do what they want to satisfy their desires, wants, needs, etc. meanwhile, women (or any person who feels the need to be “good” and “dutiful”) will “make-do” with what they have. never getting a new hairstyle because they can “make-do” with the one they have. never doing anything nice for themselves because there are other more important obligations, so they will “make-do.” i realize that a “make-do” attitude has dominated my life– from the way i have extreme guilt about purchasing little things for myself to the way that i have allowed others to treat me. so that’s another lesson i’m learning.
so those are two big lessons for me today. i’m not going to pretend that my life has been a bed of roses, but instead it has given me ample opportunity to reflect and grow. and that’s what i intend to keep doing.