l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

where do i begin– rebirth

goodness gracious, 2 weeks have passed since my last post and i have no idea where to begin.

first off, i’m amazed that A created something so precious and perfect. i find myself staring at her like, “are you really ours? is this really real?” and then i think of all the anxiety and stress that the preceding months brought and i realize it was all for nothing. so far, none of my fears and worries have come to fruition. we are just settling into this family-thing in a way that feels natural. i love my wife even more. our bond is so very strong and that in and of itself is miraculous.

having little A shifts so many other things as well. i actually don’t mind waking up in the middle of the night to change diapers (mostly my job 🙂 ) though we’ll see how i feel about that when i have to go back to work. i feel much more of a disconnect with work. it doesnt seem to be *the* defining thing for me. frankly, i barely think about it which is a 180 from where i was a year ago.. all-consumed with work and having anxiety attacks every fucking week. now, i view having 4 uninterrupted hours of sleep as a great luxury. i feel like i can conquer the world when i get that. i also have less tolerance for bullshit. believe it or not, IRL i’m very much a people-pleaser. i’d rather smooth things over and hope that everyone is happy afterwards. but now, i feel very much like bette in the final episode of the L word… dont f*ck with my family and i’m not about to sit back and let anyone hurt them. that has been tested in a few different ways (the birth, the inlaws, random strangers and their rude ass comments..)

in a way, little A’s birth has been a rebirth for myself as well. i feel so inspired to return to things that were meaningful to me (buddhism, reading, moving, eating *slightly* better) and have little tolerance for things that take away from that. i don’t feel stuck in the trap of depression anymore. i’m even seriously considering jumping back on the ttc bandwagon, though when i do, it may be less public and it will be straight to ivf. 

i know this post is very disjointed and may only make sense to me. but just a little glimpse of where my head is right now.


4 comments on “where do i begin– rebirth

  1. poetrystruth
    March 29, 2009

    I tell you motherhood is a wonderful blessings, well until they’re teenagers…LOL!


  2. Lisa
    March 29, 2009

    Glad you are enjoying motherhood. can’t wait to continue reading more about it.


  3. Lyn
    March 30, 2009

    Welcome back and welcome to Pepita. So glad you are settling in and feeling good. I’ve been thinking about you all.


  4. breastswildasblkwaves
    April 3, 2009

    “In a way, little A’s birth has been a rebirth for myself as well.” That’s beautiful. I wish you and your family the best : )


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on March 29, 2009 by in affirmation, beginning, pepita, relationship/marriage, Uncategorized and tagged , .

Grab My Button

Liberation Theory
<div align="center"><a href="https://liberationtheory.wordpress.com/" title="Liberation Theory"><img src="https://liberationtheory.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/liberation-theory-button-small.jpg" alt="Liberation Theory" style="border:none;" /></a></div>


Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 448 other followers

%d bloggers like this: