l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

my little mama is growing up! maybe i am too

today LA (little a) makes 3 months. i swear she’s a toddler already in the sense that she’s changed so much from when she was a newborn to now. each day, she reminds me of something new that she can do. i’ll do my best to recount all of her new abilities.

  • she responds to my kisses. she opens up her mouth in anticipation and tries to roll her tongue around. i’m gonna have to watch that one around boys (or maybe even girls too!) for the past couple of days, she’s been making clucking-sounds at people and things she likes. i think this may be her version of what kisses sound like.
  • she has demonstrated a need to have a blankie or lovie to go to sleep. this all stemmed from about 2 weeks ago when she realized she has hands. now she has a touch-obsession. it’s obviously her “love language.” she needs to be touching something (or someone) in order to go to sleep. if you dont give her a blankie to cuddle with she’ll whine and whine until she gets it. then she’s out cold.
  • oh yeah, miss thing talks. alot. every morning, it’s the LA show! i really believe that she thinks she’s making words. so i talk back to her. maybe one day our words will sync up with each other.
  • she’s learning to reach for people and things. when she hasn’t seen her mommy for a while she lunges in her direction and gets soo excited to see her. but in the middle of the night, she will use that baby dome of hers to semi-crawl underneath me (until it’s feeding time of course and she knows there’s nothing but air in these boobs).

i know there are so many more things, and each day i vow to get better at writing, but that’s where LA is so far.

my adjustments to mommyhood–
it’s been kinda rough emotionally. i love LA with everything that is in me. however, there’s so much negotiation that happens with parenthood. negotiating relationships with baby, with partner, with self. too often, i assume that life generally sucks and that i’m just depressed. but on good days (when i take my st. johns wort regularly), i accept that this is all related to the process of change and defining one’s self. and that self-definition is a constant process.

i’m loving the time that LA and i are having to get to know each other. it’s also affording me the opportunity to be a little more vocal about things in our family, instead of m.o. of “if i acquiesce perhaps things will be smooth.” i’m also extremely grateful to be NOT WORKING. i need this time to think, to write, and to just BE. i’m remembering what all of that means, and i promise i will blog about it later.

final words
we had the most amazing time today with gia and kia, along with hope bean and gg bean. they are the most adorable family and it felt good to be around other mommies that are going through the same thing. i often wonder how it will be back with my old “crew” considering i’m the only parent out of all of us now. so it’s refreshing to have another type of support circle.

well that’s it for now. i realize that this is probably the longest blog i’ve typed in a long while and it doesnt even cover every thing that’s been going on in my heart and head. i will get better!


2 comments on “my little mama is growing up! maybe i am too

  1. fefestyle
    June 17, 2009

    It’s so good to hear things are going well for you and your family. What is up with this weather here lately? Welcome back up top by the way.


  2. Autumn
    June 21, 2009

    Too cute!!


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This entry was posted on June 16, 2009 by in Uncategorized and tagged .

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