love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
today LA (little a) makes 3 months. i swear she’s a toddler already in the sense that she’s changed so much from when she was a newborn to now. each day, she reminds me of something new that she can do. i’ll do my best to recount all of her new abilities.
i know there are so many more things, and each day i vow to get better at writing, but that’s where LA is so far.
my adjustments to mommyhood–
it’s been kinda rough emotionally. i love LA with everything that is in me. however, there’s so much negotiation that happens with parenthood. negotiating relationships with baby, with partner, with self. too often, i assume that life generally sucks and that i’m just depressed. but on good days (when i take my st. johns wort regularly), i accept that this is all related to the process of change and defining one’s self. and that self-definition is a constant process.
i’m loving the time that LA and i are having to get to know each other. it’s also affording me the opportunity to be a little more vocal about things in our family, instead of m.o. of “if i acquiesce perhaps things will be smooth.” i’m also extremely grateful to be NOT WORKING. i need this time to think, to write, and to just BE. i’m remembering what all of that means, and i promise i will blog about it later.
we had the most amazing time today with gia and kia, along with hope bean and gg bean. they are the most adorable family and it felt good to be around other mommies that are going through the same thing. i often wonder how it will be back with my old “crew” considering i’m the only parent out of all of us now. so it’s refreshing to have another type of support circle.
well that’s it for now. i realize that this is probably the longest blog i’ve typed in a long while and it doesnt even cover every thing that’s been going on in my heart and head. i will get better!