l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

juggling act

today was my first day of school. i haven’t been a student in almost 10 years and i realize that being in a master’s program is a whole different ball of wax. i’m not sure how this compares to other programs but it was quickly established in those first 2 hours that grades are not the focus. my professor told us straight up that we will receive a B or better, and that anyone receiving less than such will be required to redo the assignment or simply not receive credit for the course. to some that may sound like a breath of fresh air and in a way it was. instead, what was intimidating was the sheer talent in the room. at least 30-40% of my class were international students (the vast majority being chinese) who were working for different agencies back home and were using the classes to gain practical knowledge to take back to their home countries. that completely changes the game. this isnt a class for people that simply want to add letters behind their name, or raise their pay scale. instead this was a class (and school) of the real leaders and shakers in the industry (movement?) and it was astonishing being in their presence. i wanted to double check my acceptance letter to be sure that there wasnt a mistake with my admission. i even for a moment doubted my own career dreams once i saw that so many of my peers are actually out there doing the very things that i aspire to do. i had to remind myself that i only needed *my* opportunity and that others’ successes doesnt disqualify my chance for it. but still, all i had to offer was my experiences as a teacher, which seemed to pale in comparison. i see that being at this university is not going to challenge me academically as much as it’s going to challenge me to not compare myself to people, but instead follow my passions and believe that i’m just as capable as they are.

on the home front:

since my last blog (i realize that not everyone follows me on twitter where i’ve taken to updating often), i’ve been hired as an english/language arts consultant at the school i taught at before i relocated to texas. i must say, i love my job. i get to work one-on-one with a brand new teacher and coach her with the curriculum and classroom management. i am also team teaching with her and like that i get to do some of the parts of teaching that i enjoy (writing curriculum, interacting with students, lighting the english desire in them, coaching teachers) without having to do alot of the things i don’t care for (endless paperwork and forms, decorating classrooms, etc).

i just started this position at the end of august and quickly arranged for a sitter for LA. she’s due to start at her daycare after labor day, and A and I are quickly learning how to juggle being working mothers and students. i must say that the past several weeks have tested me beyond anything i could imagine, and i have had many, many nights of tears at the sheer exhaustion of being a stay-at-home mom. as much as i miss being with LA all day (i love her little feisty self), i think both of us working outside of the home forces us to be more equitable with housework and parenting. it also has forced ME to be very efficient at work because i know that i have little time in the evenings to dedicate to it, even though LA goes to bed around 6:30.

wrapping up

i’m not even going to state that i’m going to do better with blogging more regularly. i really hope i do, but we shall see what truly happens. in the meantime, pour out a little formula for the mothers that keep pushing even when they think that they have nothing left!



4 comments on “juggling act

  1. rachelbk
    September 2, 2009

    It’s a never ending juggling act! I’ve learned to pick the most important things to attend to after work because I just can’t do it all. I have learned to be okay with a messy house and cereal for supper some nights.

    Don’t be intimidated for one minute in your classes. You have just as much to contribute as anyone there. You’ve touched and changed lives.


  2. laniza
    September 2, 2009

    I’m glad that rachel said don’t be intimidated! There’s no mistake–you belong with this particular cohort. God(dess) is trynna tell you somethin’!

    I’m jealous that LA goes to sleep @ 6:30! My 7 month old thinks she’s grown and too big for naps or early bedtimes, lol!


  3. Davina (VinyRenee)
    September 3, 2009

    Glad to hear things are progressing so well on the home/work/school fronts.

    Do not doubt yourself or your abilities. Remember that your journey is your own.

    Stay (a) light!



  4. halfadozen
    September 4, 2009

    Wow– it sounds like you are so busy! And in such a good place too… I bet you have so much to contribute to that class, but I understand that feeling of wondering how you got there. I have been in the same place in my life, but you got there because you have something amazing, just like all your colleagues, to offer! I can’t remember what the program is… is it a masters in education?

    And little A is too cute for words. Too cute! I totally get it though, about the stress of being at home. We get a one year maternity leave here in canada, and that year was so hard for me. I actually remember, very clearly, how liberated and free I felt my first day back at work. I marvelled at my independance, and then felt guilty about the joy I found in my independance. Well the guilt faded and I too know that a 2 working mum family is the best for us (although I do wish we had to work a little LESS)

    Hang in there, you are doing awesome!


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