love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
Hmm, how do I say this.. the insurance industry is a fucking scam.
Yes, that sounds about right.
I’m not at the place to give the whole account of what’s been going on with ttc (or lack thereof) but I will say that the final verdict is that if I want to conceive, it has to be IVF. Period. So for the past few days I’ve been on a complete emotional rollercoaster, partially because I don’t want to talk about it too much because I really don’t want to hear the “baby dust” and “this is your month” etc. I know that people have the best intentions, but for me it’s too hard to get my hopes up only to get the millionth-and-one “not pregnant.” And I know that I’m still a “baby” at infertility; there are so many other women that have been in this boat way longer than I. The other part of the emotional rollercoaster is the insurance company jerking me around. First, I was out of network. Then upon further research, I’m in. Then it’s they’ll cover all meds and the procedure itself is way less expensive with those covered. Then, it’s my infertility is a pre-existing condition and I have to wait a year to be treated. Next, oh you had insurance in the past? We’ll waive the pre-existing condition. Then, it’s they’ll cover some of the medication but between the doctor’s charges and the surgery center’s charges, it’s still $9800 out of pocket. I just can’t do this anymore. I thought I was strong enough to try again right now but this is just too much.
We saw Saw VI this evening and the part that is still reverberating in my mind is when Jigsaw says “The government says that the doctor should be the one to determine a patient’s treatment. But in reality, it’s the insurance company that decides who lives or dies.” Now, I’m not equating infertility to a terminal condition, but it is a condition none-the-less. And the fact that they won’t treat it is absolutely disgusting. The irony? Insemination is covered by my insurance all day long and a couple of years ago that would have been music to my ears. But now, what good is it if that’s not what will remedy my condition? How can they say “oh yes we see you have this condition but we won’t treat it?” I just don’t understand how that’s legal, both for my situation and the countless others that have conditions that can be treated but the insurance company’s refuse to fund.
I feel so deflated. It took me a year to get to this point where I would consider ttc, now to have the insurance slap me in the face is just too much to bear. My options at this point are 1) go to India where it’s considerably less expensive and ask the bank if they’ll ship that far 2) become a drug dealer so I can make 10K quickly or 3) look for a new job in the next state over which will mandates the coverage of IVF.
It also doesn’t help that I just celebrated 31 and feel like I’m starting to race against the clock.
Such is life, I suppose.