l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

need to get this off my chest

Hmm, how do I say this.. the insurance industry is a fucking scam.

Yes, that sounds about right.

I’m not at the place to give the whole account of what’s been going on with ttc (or lack thereof) but I will say that the final verdict is that if I want to conceive, it has to be IVF. Period. So for the past few days I’ve been on a complete emotional rollercoaster, partially because I don’t want to talk about it too much because I really don’t want to hear the “baby dust” and “this is your month” etc. I know that people have the best intentions, but for me it’s too hard to get my hopes up only to get the millionth-and-one “not pregnant.” And I know that I’m still a “baby” at infertility; there are so many other women that have been in this boat  way longer than I. The other part of the emotional rollercoaster is the insurance company jerking me around. First, I was out of network. Then upon further research, I’m in. Then it’s they’ll cover all meds and the procedure itself is way less expensive with those covered. Then, it’s my infertility is a pre-existing condition and I have to wait a year to be treated. Next, oh you had insurance in the past? We’ll waive the pre-existing condition. Then, it’s they’ll cover some of the medication but between the doctor’s charges and the surgery center’s charges, it’s still $9800 out of pocket. I just can’t do this anymore. I thought I was strong enough to try again right now but this is just too much.

We saw Saw VI this evening and the part that is still reverberating in my mind is when Jigsaw says “The government says that the doctor should be the one to determine a patient’s treatment. But in reality, it’s the insurance company that decides who lives or dies.” Now, I’m not equating infertility to a terminal condition, but it is a condition none-the-less. And the fact that they won’t treat it is absolutely disgusting. The irony? Insemination is covered by my insurance all day long and a couple of years ago that would have been music to my ears. But now, what good is it if that’s not what will remedy my condition? How can they say “oh yes we see you have this condition but we won’t treat it?” I just don’t understand how that’s legal, both for my situation and the countless others that have conditions that can be treated but the insurance company’s refuse to fund.

I feel so deflated. It took me a year to get to this point where I would consider ttc, now to have the insurance slap me in the face is just too much to bear. My options at this point are 1) go to India where it’s considerably less expensive and ask the bank if they’ll ship that far 2) become a drug dealer so I can make 10K quickly or 3) look for a new job in the next state over which will mandates the coverage of IVF.

It also doesn’t help that I just celebrated 31 and feel like I’m starting to race against the clock.

Such is life, I suppose.


4 comments on “need to get this off my chest

  1. mingomama
    November 1, 2009

    I’ve been reading your blog forever it seems, but I’m too shy to comment most of the time.

    But this post, it totally spoke to me. I feel your pain, I feel your fear. I feel your painful pocketbook. While I could never watch any of the Saw movies (I’m to chicken) I’m glad you shared that quote.

    We can start a drug dealing business together.

    Love and warm hugs.


  2. Rachel
    November 5, 2009

    You’re right, it is a scam. I couldn’t get into my regular doc last month but was in agony from a kidney infection, so I went to the walk-in. Got a bill today for the COPAY of $100. It was only $20 last month. And they didn’t bother to mention that the increased the copay 5x. yep, it’s a fucking scam.


  3. rastagalnj
    November 12, 2009

    omg lib, you look gorgeous!! Isn’t being free to be you wonderful!!! Keep growing, keep expressing yourself, it is your right to define or not define as you see fit.


  4. watchingthewaters
    December 16, 2009

    Mental health & infertility.. probably the two most frustrating & least covered medical conditions in this country. Having children in category A, I feel your pain in category B.


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This entry was posted on October 31, 2009 by in Uncategorized and tagged .

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