love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
I must say, my friend was absolutely correct when he said the 30s are AWESOME! I am proud of some of the changes I’ve experienced so far, and right now I can only pray that it continues. I’m not naive enough to think that one moment of doing something “right” means that my habits are forever broken. If life only were so easy!
I don’t think I’ve blogged here about it but in case I haven’t, let me go on record saying that I have serious emotional issues when it comes to money. I am the type of person that can have abundant money in the bank but still won’t pay the bills- not out of laziness, but out of a fear of running out of money. Even seeing bills is so frightening to me that I’ll avoid the mailbox for weeks. I can easily see the root in this with my childhood- never having enough, always having whatever utility cut off, seeing my mother “rob Peter to pay Paul”, and the list goes on. Of course, this type of behavior is NOT conducive to financial independence and a healthy marriage, but it is what it is. I’ve started some of the work on this in therapy but I had to discontinue with LA being born and then relocating back to NYC.
Fast forward to today, I paid all of our bills (or set them up to be paid with e-pay) myself today! Usually, A takes over the task of paying the bills because she’s sooooo organized and is a finance guru- hell, she was an accountant and finance was one of her majors. Plus, she’s the type that cannot stand to be behind with ANYTHING. Lately, our transition into parenthood, new careers, different family and time dynamics hasn’t allowed her to the time or the emotional energy to deal with our bills. So after a heart to heart, I agreed to step up to the plate. Surprisingly, the opportunity had me feeling empowered- almost like it was my chance to prove my responsibility in an area that I’ve felt perpetually incompetent. So today, I did it. I opened our spreadsheet, went online to find all of our balances, mapped out a plan to get everything paid in the next 3 pay cycles, and set up the e-pay. I feel so good.
I know this may seem really trivial to you responsible people out there, but anyone who has had the same experiences and issues as me knows what a major step this is!!
My other area that I’m experiencing change in is with cleaning. A is seriously rubbing off on me to the point that I cannot STAND to have clutter, dust, and messiness around. I am the queen of leaving my clothes right where I take them off or whatever item I’ve pulled out being in the same spot until I feel like it (this was a MAJOR contention between us when we moved in together right before our marriage), but since the arrival of LA, i cannot tolerate it. And our place in NYC is so much smaller than our Dallas one. No ma’am! I’m not going to front like I’ve become Alice from the Brady Bunch or anything, but cleaning the kitchen has become my “thing.” The other night I had to choose between going to bed since we had to wake up at 4 am for a flight or clean the apartment so we could come home to a clean house. I chose the latter! Ain’t nothing better than getting in tired from a day of flying and having a beautifully clean home to relax in.
I can’t wait to see what other life lessons I improve upon in my 30s!