love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
Thank you everyone for asking away! I think I’m going to put a widget on the sidebar so that questions can continue to come.
Here are all your answers, and I’m going to do my best to answer in the order I received them and as honestly as I can.
1) What do you appreciate most about where you live now versus your last location? I love that in NYC there’s no such thing as being “weird” or “different” because soo many people are so that it’s the norm. I appreciate not having to worry about potential backlash should my employers or students find out that I’m gay (which they do know). I love the great diversity in things to do and eat. I love my university and appreciate being able to attend the #2 school for education.
2) How do you think your daughter growing up there would be different versus your last location? We are still aren’t settled about where we will live after grad school for both of us is done. If LA were to grow up here, we know that she won’t be the only child of lgbt parents nor will she be the only one (or of few) from a non-christian home. Of course, there are lgbt non-christian families everywhere, but it’s been my experience that tended to be more closeted/private depending on the location. However, a downside to LA growing up here is that she may be exposed to way too many things way too soon. She won’t have that neighborhood experience of growing up in a smaller community.
3) Whats on your ipod right now? I just got done listening to my southern rap station on pandora. So a lot of Lil Wayne, DJ Khaled, and some TI for good measure 🙂
4) When your wife got pregnant last year, did you have any pangs of jealousy or resentment towards her since you were both trying to get pregnant? How did you work through your feelings? I felt a lot of things. Angry that I couldn’t get pregnant. Like a failure, like I was broken. Guilty because I somehow felt it was my fault. I would feel upset that A wasn’t enjoying pregnancy because I felt I would have if I had been pregnant. I felt like it was unfair sometimes that she got pregnant and I couldnt. Strangely, stopping the ttc journey helped me a lot with those feelings. I was able to concentrate on A’s pregnancy instead of wondering if this was the month that I would be pregnant, etc. It was no walk in the park, especially because there’s little information out there for non-bio moms, but once LA got here it really helped resolve a lot of feelings for me.
5) Do you think you will ever move back to Texas, or are you in NY for good? I really, really, REALLY miss Texas and don’t believe that NY will be it for us. I’m trying hard to distinguish if I miss Texas due to pure nostalgia or if I feel that Texas would be genuinely best for our family. I’m very much torn and wish I had blogged more about my feelings about Texas while I was there so that I could read them to remember why I wanted to leave.
6) you may have answered this already and this seems pretty stressful but what is driving you to have another child now while attending school…grad school at that? Do you worry that the stress of doing this may cause stress on your relationships? Actually, I’m not sure if I answered it directly so I’ll be happy to here. I feel emotionally that now is a good time for me to ttc. I had NOT been ready for the past year, and then having LA while working, going to school and A dealing with her stuff (not sure if she’s blogged about it so I’ll respect her privacy) was more than stressful. Thankfully, I feel that we are in a good routine and A’s been addressing a LOT of her stuff, and I’ve been confronting a lot of mine. So all of these balls in the air has taught me to be super efficient. Plus, realistically, it’s rather unlikely that I’ll conceive right away. Even if I did, a baby wouldn’t be here until early 2011 at which point time I’ll be in my last 2 classes of grad school. Going through all of this has allowed us to be closer and right now, we are making a more concerted effort to put the “lover” part back in our relationship because it’s super easy to let that fall by the wayside, not just due to parenting but because of life, period. Having children has always been a goal of ours, and A didn’t want to push having more because of my own issues with infertility. I think we are in a better place emotionally so this is a good thing.
7) When is Spice night?..lol Gia, is that you????? Girl, just say the word! Me and LA are home alone next Saturday afternoon so let me know if that works for you.
8) after you graduate with your masters degree, what do you plan on doing career-wise? There are 3 main things that I’m thinking of. 1) I’ve always wanted to be a school administrator, either working in just one school or working for a school system. My knew knowledge of sociopolitical factors in student success coupled with my almost 10 years (yikes!) of teaching experience really will help me have some important effects on a school/district. 2) I’m falling in love with education research and wouldn’t mind doing more of that, especially working with a think-tank that does research for education policy. 3) Getting directly involved with education policy/politics in some form.
9) what advice would you give to a young lady about to complete her Bachelors degree with little certainty about what step to take next (sorry its random, lol)? Don’t be alarmed!!! I had NO IDEA what I wanted to do with my degree until my senior year of college and then the career path I chose had nothing to do with my degree. A teases me about my “passion” degree all the time because hers was definitely career-oriented (she double majored in accounting and finance). If I had to do it all over again, I wish I would have pursued more internships, not only to give me more exposure to a variety of careers, but also because it would have given me more diverse experiences. It’s really hard to be 10 years post graduation and starting over career-rise because I’m too old to want to do entry-level work but my career has pigeon-holed me. That’s why it was really important for me to go to a university for grad school with a lot of prestige and networking so that hopefully I can have my foot in the door with this career change.
10) do you have a fotki??? I do have a hair one! It’s here. I also have a general photo album but you have to email me for the link 🙂 firstname.lastname@example.org
11) How long did you and your wife know each other before dating? I knew her for about a year, then we were “something” for a year (not officially dating at all) and then we were engaged for a year. That’s a whole ‘nother story 😉
12) what is your favorite color? I’m going to have to say purple. Today, I snuck away to the nail shop and looked down to see that I had on a purple coat, a purple cover on my iphone, and was getting my nails and toes done in dark purple. Yep, I like purple.
13) How do you find a balance between work, school and being a mom? I ask because we want to have a baby soon but think it may be really hard while we’re still in school. So I would love to know how you manage to do it with such ease. This is a joke right? Me do it with ease? Has to be a joke. Balance is a work in progress. In the very beginning, it was a nightmare. Then with other issues thrown into the heap, it was just an out and out mess. It was very rocky for a while as we both are in grad school. What helped initially was that I was doing consulting work so I was at “work” for about 5 hours a day, then even that cut down to 3 times a week. It helped me begin to learn how to have some work/school balance. Unfortunately (or fortunately), LA goes to a sitter starting when she was about 6 months old. So that helps tremendously, though I feel really guilty that during the week, we spend so little time with her because by the time one of us picks her up and gets home, it’s time for night time routine. We both do spend time hanging out with her at the sitters in the evening and then engage her on the ride home (me, driving, A on public trans when she pics up LA). For the home life, we pretty much have our domains that we stick to. A does laundry and I do dishes. A cooks and I pack lunches. A gets LA dressed in the morning and I pack diaper bag, etc. It didn’t start off as a plan at first, but evolved into that. Like I said previously, having to juggle all of this has forced me to be super efficient. I definitely wasn’t before but I am super driven to do a good job so that gives me energy to go on. Oh yeah, sleep (amongst other things) have been a casualty. I’ve compiled a list of things I want to work on for this year and that is at the top of the list.
14) Will you use the same donor when ttc as you did with your first child? Absolutely! Though, LA is my first child 😉