the good and the bad

I have had so much going on this past week! I’m going to try to be succinct because if not, you’ll be reading forever.

The Good

I had my appointment with the RE this past Monday and I’m back in the saddle, sort of. The plan is that she’s using this cycle to establish my baseline (ovulation day, lining measurements, folly measurements). I’m also doing a repeat HSG to verify blockage (though I’m praying that they aren’t). If necessary, I’ll proceed to tubal canalization unless my new insurance kicks in, at which point I’ll try IVF. After this cycle, I’m going to do the Clomid challenge to see my FSH (I think…) levels with meds.

To say I’m excited is an understatement. Thursday was CD10 and I had an early morning ultrasound to see my folly size. It was at 12mm. I’m doing OPKs to monitor ovulation, then I go back when I get my surge to verify ovulation and all that jazz.

The Bad

LA’s childcare situation is very precarious. When I started working again in August, we started using a friend of a friend to sit for her. I’m going to call the sitter V and my friend R. V was/is dating R’s brother and is a very good mom. We’ve been extremely pleased with the level of care that LA gets and they treat LA like family. LA also loves going over there and asks for V and her son over the weekend because she truly loves it over there. She even calls V’s boyfriend “dada” b/c V’s son does. Mind you, she doesnt call US mama or mommy yet (though she can say it).

Well V called me Thursday night and I missed the call. She called me two more times Friday morning around 6:30 am and I missed those too. It rang again when were in the car and it came through my stereo b/c my cell is synced through bluetooth. That’s when I noticed all the missed calls. It was V saying that there was a situation with the boyfriend and she was no longer living there, but that she was at her mom’s across the street and she would watch LA there. Cool, no problem. I’ve met a lot of V’s family already and they are really sweet and LOVE LA too. They are constantly giving her V’s niece’s clothes that she grows out of (LA is at a 24 month/2T now.. yikes) and V’s nephew is a week younger than LA. Because it was last minute, I didn’t go inside, but just left LA with V. I also told her that I would pick LA up early since she obviously had a lot going on with whatever happened with her and the boyfriend.

I go later to pick up LA and see the new environment first hand. V and her 3 kids, the mom, the brother and sister in law and their 2 kids (ages 2 and 10 months). All this in a cluttered one bedroom apartment. The brother and sister and kids don’t live there, but are there every Friday. To say that it was less than ideal is an understatement. LA loved all the “activity” going on but had only napped 20 minutes all day because she was just overstimulated. V asked me if it was okay that she continued watching LA there until she was able to save up and get her own place. I was okay with that initially because I felt really bad about the situation. V is very neat and meticulous and I know that it killed her to have to return to her mom with her kids. But of course mama instinct kicked in later and I just had this nagging feeling that this wasn’t going to work. Regardless of how bad I feel for her, especially because we’re her only income, I can’t feel comfortable with LA in that environment. Not only does she need space, she can’t be around all that stuff. It’s too easy for her to hurt herself, pull something down, or put something in her mouth.

A and I talked and we agreed that we need to put LA in daycare immediately. The catch to that is that I’m in class 2 evenings a week, which means that A would have to pick LA up. In Manhattan, there are no daycares that we’re comfortable with that are open early enough for us (7 am) and close late enough for us (6:30pm), so she’ll have to go to daycare in NJ where I work. But A rides public transportation and it will take her up to an hour on the 2 trains (subways) she’ll have to take to pick LA up. She says she’s okay with it because right now it takes her 2 subways and 45 minutes to pick up LA but I just feel bad.

We’re waiting to hear back from one place on Monday and I have another place to call as well. I’m asking for your prayers and well wishes that we’ll be able to get LA into a place we are comfortable with THIS WEEK and that I find the right words to use to end our care with V…