love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
These are in response to more questions about using donor sperm from my “Ask me anything” widget
What was the donor selection process like? How did you choose a donor and how long did it take? Do you know of other families who’ve used the same donor?
We actually went through a long process with deciding what would work for our family. First, we attempted the known donor route (from both a friend and an ad on the internet– yeah I know). Each of the guys were great and probably would have been good male contributers, after researching the legal costs involved to protect our parental rights, it was the same cost as frozen sperm and didn’t even guarantee complete protection under the law from them potentially suing for custody. So we decided to go the frozen pop route.
We wanted to inseminate at home so we first had to look for a bank that would do that. Then after we identified a bank, we sifted through their selection. It was really really difficult to find a donor that was African American, so we widened our scope to include “men of color.” We then filtered those through the attributes that were important to us– intelligence, healthy (including a family history of health), and record of producing offspring.
From the very beginning, it took us about a year to decide on our current sperm donor, including the time spent with our known donors. Once we decided to go the frozen route, it was just a couple of months.
We do know of other families that have used our same donor. We found them on donor sibling registry and another site that A found.
I must say that A took the lead with a lot of this. Of course, I gave my input but she is the master researcher!
And one more… do you have any advice for black families starting the donor selection process?
My advice for black families (and all families in general) would be to be clear about what features are important to you and then prioritize them. Be realistic or okay with the fact that there simply aren’t a lot of Black donors. It’s no problem if that’s a high priority for you, but know that it may take a long time to find a donor that meets that criteria.
Next, I would advise to read, read, read as much as possible (books, blogs, messageboards). There is a lot of information out there, though I know that info tailored for Black families are few and far between.
Lastly, I would say that the cost of buying sperm monthly is just the tip of what you’ll be paying once your baby gets here. So use the financial contribution as practice for squeezing blood out of turnips 🙂