love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
So I’ve determined that Clomid is making a weepy little baby. I already am sissative (sensitive, but i like to pronounce it this way to be funny), but tonight I bawled while watching Hoarders and cried on our way home from our fertility therapist session (more to come on that in a second).
I also am starting to feel like I’m walking around with growing golf balls in my pelvic cavity and the sore breasts are starting. I realize that these side-effects could totally be psychosomatic, but either way, they are here!
Dr. On-it’s practice requires all couples who are using donor sperm to have a session with a fertility-related therapist. So we went to our meeting tonight and it was a mixed result. Ultimately, I think it was good to talk out our though process in conception (both when LA was conceived and my current attempts) and it was helpful to have the “truth” told to us in black and white– the reality of having multiples and potential strain it could create. For those reasons and many more, I am grateful. The not-so-good side effects was 1) hearing her tell me that it was likely my tubes were shut tight and opening them up would be like “roto-rootering them” (her words, not mine) and that it may leave my tubes like a “battlefield” (again, her words). Also hearing her strongly but indirectly push having only one embryo transfer, even though it might take longer to conceive, was hard. I know she is probably telling the truth, but at the same time I am/was starting to feel deflated again. I have zero expectation of it “magically” working right away but I don’t want to hear more about how I’m “doomed.”
I’m working on keeping my excitement up. This doesn’t change my desire to ttc right now, but it makes me feel a bit more solemn. I’m praying it’s just the clomid talking (crying). Either way, tomorrow’s test will give me either a wonderful result or a definitive answer about my tubes.