l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation


I ended up going in for my pregnancy test anyway per my RE’s request. Of course it came back negative and we discussed the new game plan. She’s not sure if it was a true positive yesterday because I didn’t test to see if the hcg booster ever left my system, like I did last month. Parts of me wonder if I was pregnant too because I didn’t have the strong sense of smell like I did the previous month. However, I know that I metabolized the hcg faster than the standard half-life per 24 hours. I just don’t know what to think.

Still, Dr. On-it’s not going to rule anything out, so I’m due for additional lab work to see if I have thrombophila or some other hormonal issue going on. Depending on the results from that, I may be on heparin soon after the next IUI. Then, I’m to start going for beta/hcg testing 2-3 days before my missed period and have the levels monitored.

To say I’m tired of this is an understatement. My wallet is tired too. I’m going to do this cycle, but I’m unsure of where I’ll stand after this. I’m not throwing in the towel, but this process has me doubting everything, even God, which is something I’ve never ever done before. I’m taking this one month at a time, we’ll see where I stand 30-some odd days from now.


2 comments on “uncertainty

  1. Heidi
    May 16, 2010

    I’m so sorry. I lost my faith in God through this, and it is a very hard thing to get back. If you don’t want to lose God, don’t let yourself get too far away from him.

    Much love my dear.


  2. rachelbk
    May 17, 2010

    I can speak from personal experience, that heparin is the only thing that allows me to stay pregnant. If it comes to that, ask for the Lovenox form of it so you only have to stick yourself once a day instead of twice or three times.
    I am hoping that you don’t have to go thru too many more ‘learning/experimental’ months.


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