l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

Pity party– no invitations necessary

Today is simply not my day. I’m having one of those woe is me and I suck kind of days. I’m trying really, really hard not to let it sink in, but I feel the bitterness overtaking me. I can only think of reasons why I suck

I didn’t get the job I really, really wanted. People say that it wasn’t meant for me, but how do I get all the way to the last round- 5 hour job simulation and all- and then not get it. I got some generic ass letter today, a week after they said they would let me know.

On try #10 now. I’m in double digits. Enough said about that.

My current job contract ends in 5 weeks and I’m panicking about that.

I feel like the only thing I can do is teach, and I really don’t want to, but every time I venture trying to leave, circumstances bring me right back. Right now, the job market for teachers sucks too. I’m scared.

I am not as understanding or supportive or forgiving in my relationship as I should be. Enough said about that one too.

I suck at managing money and self-sabotage.

I’m simply exhausted and want some kind of confirmation that I can be successful at something because right now, shit looks pretty gloomy.

And to top it off, I spilled a greasy burrito on my shirt so I’m walking around looking extra crappy. At least I finally got instructors approval for a class I really want/need to take for Summer Term 1. Oh, and my co-teacher says she’ll go for drinks with me after work. I probably shouldn’t drink since I’m ttc but I really doubt it’ll make a difference at this point. My stupid-ass cousin just lost her 4th baby because she decided she didn’t really want it and went on a crack and pill binge 2 days before the baby was due. She’s already lost custody of all her other kids. So if she can do all that, still manage to get pregnant and everything, I doubt one margarita will make a difference.


6 comments on “Pity party– no invitations necessary

  1. rastagalnj
    May 21, 2010

    Lib, you do not suck! I know you are having a not so great day, ok a bad day but circumstances and situations suck, not you. Keep that persepctive, repeat that in your head until you catch that vision. Praying circumstances will turn quickly.


  2. Thorn
    May 21, 2010

    I understand feelings of suckiness, unfortunately, and I’m trying to skate away from falling into that myself right now. Just remember that even the parts that are true are not the whole truth and that it’s not healthy to beat yourself up for wallowing in the suckiness either. I’m sorry and I hope things do feel better for you soon.


  3. Autumn
    May 21, 2010

    Your circumstance does not determine your success or worth. You didn’t reach your current point by wishing or just getting by. You’ll have many more disappointments in life, that’s a given, however what makes makes us stronger is getting up and pushing on. We don’t learn from the light times it’s the heavy situations that builds character and makes our accomplishments that much more worth while. Mope some more if you feel the need, though it will only add to your *feelings* of inadequacy.

    I hope you choose to force those *feelings* aside and press on knowing full well that they are fleeting and cannot come close to measuring your worth.


  4. shinegirlshine
    May 21, 2010

    Go ahead and have a pity party. Get it all out! Cry! Thrash around the room! You must feel this. You must be present to actually get through it. Life isn’t always easy, or fair, or pretty. But do know this–this too shall pass. We are here, holding you up for support.


  5. rachelbk
    May 21, 2010

    Ugh, I hate days like that. But I think we have to give in and mope every once in a while, if only so we can get sick of moping and get moving toward something positive again.
    I hope tomorrow is a better day.


  6. breastswildasblkwaves
    May 22, 2010

    Hope you’re feeling better Lib. *hugs*


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