love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
Since my last blog, I’ve continued to be caught in the whirlwind of my life. I wish I could say that I had some sort of epiphany and magically struck some balance, but it’s not true. I realized (remembered) while chatting with a friend (hey M) that I’ve been approaching this issue like the true under-cover perfectionist that I am. I haven’t found any balance because I’ve been looking at the totality of my exhausting schedule and the huge void of a good chunk of ME time. I’m literally running from 6 am to 10:30pm (or later). Even when I have “down” time with the family, I’m anxious about work that isn’t done, planning lessons in my head, talking “shop” with the wife, or fielding phone calls from students. Needless to say that this effects my relationships as well. As much as I feel like I’m “on” (having to be and do things for everyone except myself), I realize that I’m sucking energy from the people that matter to me the most, which means I’m not really doing or being anything beneficial for those that I love after all.
Instead of looking at all that I don’t have time to do, I’m going to attempt to concentrate on the little things that I can do and that bring me joy. No, I don’t have fly clothes and look put-together like some of you all (shout out to Minister of Style) and am getting upset at my increasing wardrobe of mom shoes (wearing comfortable shoes, khakis and a mono-chromatic knit top from Old Navy currently— BORING). BUT, I can go back to wearing my sundresses from summer that I always get compliments on and are super easy to pick out. I can restock my car makeup bag that my lovely daughter has demolished (somehow she thought tweezers and lipstick together were good ideas, and that it would be fun to play with all of Mama’s brushes, and I don’t even know where my gel eyeliner went) and make it a priority to spend 5 minutes doing my makeup because I like to wear it for *me.* I also want to make it a point to take a bath every night, not just the quick showers that I take on mornings that I didn’t steal an extra 10 minutes of sleep. Lastly, I’m going to find something to do each week that gives me some extra motivation and builds something to look forward to. This week, I’m going to find 2 hours of ME time on the weekend—no family, no phone, no work.
So here is my pledge and action steps that I’m going to attempt this week. I’m setting a reminder in my phone (damn technology) to check in with my progress. I’m totally visual too. I’m also creating an online sticker chart to track my progress (hey, it works for 5 year olds).
I pledge to renew my spirit, so that I can be an authentic person, as well as a better wife, mother, and Self. For seven days, I will take a bath (not shower) at night, I will wear dresses to work, I will spend 5 minutes putting on my make-up in the mornings, I will write for 5-10 minutes during “Breakfast Room” in my journal or blog, and I will take a 2-hour quiet time on Sunday.
For all two of you that still check this blog, is anyone else down with carving out baby steps of joy?
PS. I wrote this on the train on the way to class. I chose NOT to grade papers or accept student phone calls. Go me!