love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
Well I fought the good fight, but in the end, the POAS* addiction has won.
For those of you don’t know, the POAS addiction starts like this. You convince yourself that you won’t take any pregnancy tests and will wait until your missed period. Then you start trying to calculate the odds of a positive, then a negative. You eventually cave and then test. Then become obsessed with false negatives and false positives. And the shit goes ’round and ’round like a merry-go-round.
Earlier this year year, I went through a horrible merry go ’round with it. To sum up, I tested positive. Then realized I still had hcg from my shot in me, so it was a false positive. Then I tested negative indicating that the previous test was a false positive. Then I tested positive for real indicating I was pregnant! Then I tested negative indicating I had an early miscarriage (chemical pregnancy). On one hand, all of that could have been avoided had I not tested at all. But some good did come of it. 1) I knew that it was possible that I could conceive and 2) I created an hcg half-life* chart to better determine in the future when the hcg was gone from my system.
So where I am at now…
I caved this morning and took a test. By my chart, the hcg should be technically out of my system since it should be below the threshold that pregnancy tests measure. And my body tends to metabolize it a little bit faster than 24 hours. But anything is possible.
It was slightly positive (faint second line). I’m not reading too much into it yet because I know it can mean either the hcg is still in me or I’m indeed pregnant. I refuse to get my hopes up too high though I’m cautiously optimistic.
And yes I will test again tomorrow to compare. If it’s darker, then I’m pregnant. If it’s lighter than it was the hcg from the shot 10 days ago.
*POAS: pee on a stick as in take a pregnancy test
*hcg half-life: hcg is the hormone that pregnancy tests measure. it’s also the shot you take to induce ovulation. the amount in your system decreases by half daily.