love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
A and I just came back from a long meeting with Dr. On-it. I’m glad we went because we have a semi-clear plan of action.
The appointment started off rocky though. We go to the RE’s office and all was fine. I decided to pick up a magazine and stupidly chose Fit Pregnancy. I don’t know why I assume I’m “fine” because by the time I reached the last page, I was starting to feel sad all over again. It didn’t help that another lesbian couple came out of the exam room and the two nurses were gushing over them with congratulations. It didn’t quite hit me that they were indeed pregnant until about the 5th congratulations. I think Dr. On-it noticed the look on my face when she came to get us because when she asked me how I was doing, I dissolved in tears. I didn’t expect that.
I was relieved to hear that she too thought coasting (the period that I was taking no medicine to get my estrogen levels to fall back into normal range) was the culprit and that it compromised the embryo quality. What’s unclear is whether it’s the medicine itself causing me to over-respond leading to poor quality embryos or if I have hormonal problems causing me to over-respond leading to poor embryo quality. After pouring through my file (just the thick one I have since being at this practice) we do know that I am very very sensitive to meds but the catch is that without the meds or decreasing my dosage causes my levels to plateau, also not a good thing. I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. The only cycle that was perfect was the first one- I started on low dosages, responded quickly to that low dose, ovulated on cd 11 and went on to produce one perfect egg and I got pregnant. Then miscarried. Every cycle after that, I needed more and more medicine for the embryos to grow but then had to coast.
All that to say, they will be having a practice meeting about me on January 4th to decide what a good protocol will be for me. The risk of starting off at a small dosage again is that I’ll only produce 1 follicle, making me convert back to an IUI cycle. So we shall see. Also, I’m going to have a biopsy of my uterine lining to rule any implantation issues there, another saline type scope where they’ll use a fiber optic camera to look inside instead of using a regular ultrasound. And then a thrombophilia panel to rule out clotting disorder that could cause my body to reject embryos from implanting.
Thank God for insurance.
Speaking of which, a small silver lining. I don’t have a limit on IVF coverage so, as far as we know now, I’m not limited to 3 tries. Additionally, they cover me for a donor egg cycle. If we find that my eggs are ultimately the issue, they’ll cover me to use A’s eggs which obviously are A-okay (no pun intended).
What a morning! The ttc saga continues.
ETA: I told her about feeling “different” about 11-12 days after the transfer and the loss of my IPS. I didn’t want to come right out and tell her that I think I may have been pregnant b/c I didn’t want to hear her say that it was just imaginary. However, she says that it was quite possible that they implanted and just didn’t make it due to the egg quality. She said that by 7 days post, all the hcg should be gone (true according to my chart). So, once again, I was pregnant and it didn’t stay. At least I know the IPS were real and so were the pregnancy tests.
ETAA (edited to add again): I also asked her whether it could be that I had PCOS because everything I’m reading about over-response is always correlated to people with PCOS, though I always ovulate and get my period like normal. She said that I had definite traits and meet the bill, but because I’m normal weight, my ability to ovulate hasn’t been compromised. She said that if I were 20 pounds heavier, I would have full manifestation of it and probably wouldn’t have a period anymore. So after all this time, I have a partial reason for my infertility.