l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

#13, I see you!

I’m starting to get my mind geared up for a peaceful, second IVF try. I feel like it’s important right now for me to keep moving forward and not let fear get the best of me. I have no idea what the outcome will be. I have no idea how I will manage with work. But the idea of letting the anxiety win is unacceptable, even if it means that I have to talk myself down when I feel the worries and what-ifs taking control.

I’m not sure how, but I want this time to be more peaceful. My sister shared with me how she and her partner made a fertility shrine and used it as a way to literally lay their worries down, to pray together, and just be together in the spirit of their family as it was, is, and shall be. She even gave us a figurine from her shrine and I can’t wait to start building ours. I’m even more pleased that A is totally on board and wants to build the shrine too, something that isn’t typically in her realm of interest.

I’m even starting to peek at other parenting blogs without feeling the intense pangs of sadness.

My body is still in recovery while I’m mentally getting centered. Today I had some spotting (I guess that’s what it was) though I NEVER have spotting and I’m not due for AF considering I just ovulated about 8 days ago. Whatever it is, I’m glad I didn’t try and push and try this month because my body seems to not be back to normal, whatever normal is. I’ll get my blood test results back in 2 weeks and I still have to schedule my biopsy gain and then my uterine hsg. Then we’ll be fully back in the saddle.

Come on lucky #13~


5 comments on “#13, I see you!

  1. Autumn
    January 19, 2011

    Wishing you great health (both family and personal) and success in all that God has for you.


  2. jessjetson
    January 19, 2011

    I know exactly what you feel about being afraid to try again. No matter what #13 brings, I hope you find that serenity (and share the secret with me too!)

    Thanks for sharing your story- your courage and perserverance are inspiring.


  3. Tosha
    January 20, 2011

    Sending much love and peace your way!


  4. j. k-c.
    January 23, 2011

    I have a little something I would like to send you for your shrine. If you wouldn’t mind emailing me your address I will get it in the mail in the next several days. It’s nothing big, just a little charm that I have had next my bed and now it is time to pass it on to you. šŸ™‚


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This entry was posted on January 18, 2011 by in infertility/ttc and tagged .

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