love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
I’ve been in a sort of a funk lately. Not sure what the cause of it is or if it’s just general winter blues, but in retrospect I can see it’s been here for a while. I’m working on remember a few things to get myself on track and beginning my personal spring. Even if this damn snow and these back to back blizzards continue, I can start spring in my mind.
Affirmation #1: Trust that God knows best. Trust in love. Trust that I’m where I’m supposed to be.
Affirmation #2: I am a woman of greatness and life is preparing me for that realization.
Affirmation #3: (stolen from an old school gospel song): Trouble don’t last always.
So with those thoughts, I’m working on getting back in the saddle. I have a personal project I’ve been neglecting for a couple of weeks. I actually treated myself today to a salon visit to get my hair done. And lucky #13 is about to start in 2 weeks.
Speaking of try #13, you know Murphy’s Law has been ruling me on this ttc journey right? How about I found out last week that our damn sperm bank has filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy with NO NOTICE OR WARNING TO US CUSTOMERS. We called as recently as 2 weeks ago to confirm that our donor was active and that we would be able to order 5 vials for current and future use. No warning. Instead, we were greeted with a generic voicemail that said they would be reorganizing “soon” and that no orders were being taken. There’s no business re-start or tentative re-opening. Nothing. Just us and hundreds of other customers I imagine left hanging. What if I were in the middle of a cycle? What about the fact that it’s very important to us that LA and sibling #2 has the same donor. How do you DO that to people. I know the economy is bad. I totally get it. I’m not even mad about the bank having to go under. But no warning or anything? Not even returned phone calls? Having to find out when you’re calling to place an order. Just bad business all around.
Despite the fact that it took us an entire year to even find this donor (after going through preliminary screening with 4 separate known donors..), A found some comparable donors at another bank that’s local to us. Honestly, I can’t even be mad at this point. It’s actually laughable because it’s so ridiculous and so far-fetched that this situation is even happening. I know, just for the sake of things being the way they are, I’ll have no problem getting knocked up with the new donor on the first try. Just watch.
Meanwhile, I go for a uterine biopsy on Valentine’s Day (such a lovely way to commemorate the day), and A and I are still working on our fertility shrine. We’re in the process of redecorating the bedroom since we had to upgrade to a king size bed due to an acrobatic toddler that we’ve defaulted to co-sleeping with. I have been generously gifted with a beautiful fertility charm that I’ve been wearing since I opened the package. I’m leaving the sender anonymous because I didn’t ask them for permission to share, but I am so thankful and got teary-eyed at the gesture. I feel a whole lot of positive energy surrounding this pending cycle. Even more than the tremendous love that I already receive.
So here I am with this disjointed blog. I’m here. I’m alive. I’m pressing forward. and working on shifting a bit in the meantime.