love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
I have two reasons for writing this post, though I’d rather pretend it never happened. One, I want to document for myself what happened. Two, I want to give truth to the experience of trying to conceive and what one should NEVER have to endure.
Additionally, this post will have two versions. One will be how I experienced it as it was happening. The second will be the doctor’s explanation to A about what happened. I refused to speak to her afterward (it was all I could do not to curse her out up and down).
Warning: The following is long.
Saturday Morning Trauma:
I was scheduled to have an endometrial biopsy, just to rule out anything being wrong after my numerous attempts at pregnancy, IVF that didn’t work, and 2 chemicals. I already had a hysteroscopy earlier in the week and all went well. I actually had scheduled the biopsy last month but had an early period. So Saturday was the day.
I took a vicodin (I think it was 750 strength) in preparation, like I did for the hysteroscopy. I had an excruciating hsg (hysterosalpingography) in the past, so I knew Advil wouldn’t cut it. I thought I was prepared.
I get the appointment on time at 9:30 and we agree that A would stay in the waiting room with LA. The procedure was to take less than 20 minutes, and LA had her ipad so she was ready for the wait. I don’t get taken into the room until 9:50 but I’m not really alarmed, though there is only one other couple in the waiting room that went ahead of me. I undress and sit on the table. And sit. And sit. And sit. A whole half hour passes and NO ONE comes in the room to let me know what’s going on. No doctor or nurse. I’m like WTF. I wrap that oh-so-comfy sterile sheet around my waist and peep my head out of the door to try and catch someone’s eye. The nurse sees me and says that the doctor is running behind (no shit) and she will be with me shortly. Another 10 minutes pass before they come in. I sat there for a total of 40 minutes. That should have been my first clue to leave.
The dr is a new one to the practice. I’ve never seen her before. She will be called Dr. WTF from now on. She shakes my hand, still offering me no explanation for the wait. She then starts to ask me about what CD I’m on, etc. I tell her all that info is in my chart, especially since I had just been there Tuesday and they have a summary chart. She asks more questions indicating that she didn’t even bother to glance at my chart. Sign #2 I should have left.
She shows me the tools she’s going to be using and says that some patients have little discomfort, some have more. She shows me that they’ll be using the same tube as the trial transfer and I have a sinking feeling. When I had the trial transfer, it was excruciating but over quickly. After that, they suggested I used valium in addition to the vicodin for the actual transfer. But I hadn’t taken the valium today.
She begins the procedure and it seems to be going fine. Then she hits my cervix and I swear I see white light. I scream out in pain and she stops. She attempts two more times, and declares my cervix is tight. No shit. There’s nothing supposed to be going in it. She asks me to cough and when I do, she slides the tube in. I feel my body and cervix spasming and I cannot fight back the screams. I try to stick it out, but it’s just not happening. Especially when I feel the loop or whatever cutting instrument she inserted in the tube. I can’t take it anymore and scream for her to take it out of me. I’m sobbing at this point, and I thought I felt her take it out. But there’s more pain and more prodding and more instruments in my cervix. I try to wait a moment and then I scream at her about why she hasn’t taken it out, though I told her not to. She says there’s bleeding she’s trying to stop. Great. All I hear is her talking to the nurse asking for Silver Nitrate and mumbling other stuff.
At this point, I lost it. I am sobbing and she’s asking me dumb questions like “well, how much vicodin did you take? Do you want some more vicodin?” WHAT THE FUCK IS VICODIN GOING TO DO FOR ME AT THAT EXACT MOMENT? It’s not like it’s a shot that will give me instant relief! I tell her that I do NOT want to speak to her ever again, nor do I ever want anything to do with this practice because there is NOTHING wrong with me and she will NOT treat me like a damn human guinea pig. I’m still sobbing uncontrollably on the table and I hear the door close. Silence. They left me in there.
I’m just lying there unable to move due to the pain and uncontrollable crying. Then I hear the door open again and it’s A who just comes in and holds me. After I am calmed down, she steps out and I get dressed. When I come out, the receptionist informs me that A is speaking with the doctor. I find the office, knock, go inside and get LA who has been amazingly patient throughout all of this. The doctor is going “no, no please stay.” I say nothing. Just gathered my child and walked out the door. We sit in the car.
The following is her explanation to A.
She says that there was an emergency with the patient before which is why she was delayed. She admits that it was never communicated to me. She also admits that she never looked at my chart when says that my period should be starting in 2 weeks and A says that she hopes not because I’m on birth control pills.
She also shares that she had to clamp my cervix open because it was so tight. She again admits that she never told me this.
She says that she did remove the tube when I asked her to, but when she was removing the clamp I started to bleed. She admits that she never told me this.
She says that she spent some time trying to stop the bleeding and was using various instruments including q-tips in cervix to stop it. She conceded that it probably felt no different to me since my cervix already took a battering.
She apologized profusely for not speaking to me at all and not letting me know what was going on while it was happening. She said that she was new and realize that the experience was traumatic for me. She also said she would note in my file per A’s request that I was to never go through another procedure like that without anesthesia.
Where do I go from here?
I refuse to have any other procedures done that are not medically necessary.
I will be seeking another RE for a consultation and perhaps a switch. I’m trying to work out the timing since I’m close to my stim date.
Yes. Saturday was traumatic.