highs and lows/when only faith will do
I can’t believe almost a month since last I’ve blogged. In this past month, I’ve:
- studied and sat for my comprehensive exams
- visited Texas for an entire week
- switched RE’s
- got all my biopsy and hsg results back. completely normal
- did a glucose fasting test to see if i’m pre-diabetic/truly pcos
- made it to the final rounds of a job I really want and wants to relocate me and the girls to the Big Easy
- am set to graduate on may 17th
All those have been wonderful, though I’m running on fumes (and still not done with final projects for grad school).
But not without some lows.
- Sperm was supposed to be transferred from old RE to new RE. Old RE realized when the courier was there that they didn’t have a necessary form, despite assuring us previously we were all set to go. $400 wasted b/c the courier still went and attempted so it’s not their problem, per se. Then we get the proper form signed and notarized only to be told that it was invalid b/c I was supposed to sign it, not A, though the form specified “purchaser” and the card we used was in her name. The old RE said they’ll foot the bill for the transport which is still pending.
- I started on stupid birth control as a way to supress my cycle. I was supposed to skip the blank weeks and be ready to start lupron about now. But I’ve been bleeding for the past two weeks. Spoke to the new RE and they want me to come off the pill, have a whole “real” cycle before starting. Which, I’m assuming means that I have to wait another 20 days for a cycle. Do baselines and such. Wait until CD20 for lupron and then start stims. That’s another 2.5 months that I don’t really have.
- I’m in final rounds of a new job. It’s supposed to start early July. Even if they do cover IVF which I highly, highly doubt, the timing would conflict. Even if I didn’t have to start so soon, my IVF coverage ends June 30th if I leave my job. So it looks like I have to stay with the current job, though the new one would have meant leaving the classroom, using my degree, a move to a place with a yard and such for LA, lower cost of living. I’m still going for the final interview where I’m scheduled to meet all the higher ups and have lunches, etc. At least it’ll feel good knowing that I “could” do it.
While all this was happening, I looked up and saw a bumper sticker that said “with God, all things are possible.” I know that every single time when I couldn’t see what the road ahead would be, a way has been made. I’m praying that this is the case again. I’m holding up my end by just taking one step at a time, though God knows I just want to give up and stop it all. Everything work out how it’s supposed to, I suppose.
The truth is, I’m so tired of being at the whim of the medical profession. I’ve been trying to start IVF 2.0 since January/February to be delayed by all the unnecessary tests they wanted. And now by this stupid birth control pill and misinformation.
The truth is, I wish that my body would just get pregnant like normal people’s do. That I didn’t have to do this and I could just pinpoint ovulation, inseminate and be done. Instead, all indications say that it is “normal” but it’s responding as if it’s not. Nothing left for “me” to do I suppose except accept.