love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
Last Friday, I finally had my “go” appointment with my new RE.
[I don’t think I’ve named her yet (point it out for me if I have), “from here on, henceforth and whatnot,”* should call her Dr. Three because that’s what number of RE I’m on.]
So after the weeeeeeeks of being on birth control pills, coming off, waiting for a period, and then getting back on birth control, I finally started my Lupron. It feels calm, though surreal. I’m not really stressed about it, not particularly anxious, but I’m not numb about it either. It just is. I think I’m now at the place where I’m feeling less attached to “how” we have a new baby. For the past three years, it’s been about trying everything under the sun that we can afford and medically control. And there’s nothing wrong with that I suppose; it’s just that *I’m* not there anymore. I started to broach this with A, but kinda chickened out.
I think this try might be it for me.
Now we all know the truth of trying to conceive. My feelings are undoubtedly going to be on a roller coaster. My mind my change a thousand times. If this try doesn’t work, I might be frantic to try again. Who knows what the next 30 days will bring. But right now, this is my truth.