l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

my 500th post

I had a dream last night that all my best friends IRL and online threw me a two week wait party. It was after I got the same news from last week but my friends wanted to celebrate me. It came with cheesy decorations and hilarious uses of TTC equipment- we used home pregnancy tests as knives. It was so much fun and helped to relieve all the stress of this journey. It was also like a baby shower that I may never have. I don’t remember the thank you speech I gave, but know that it was fabulous.

So what happens next now that I’m awake?

This weekend A and I had a great child-free time. One of my BFF’s asked to take LA for the weekend and what parent in their right mind would turn that down?? So we had couple’s massages, ate at a non-child-friendly restaurant, and slept in until 8 am! I also had a drink 4 days in a row. That’s highly unusual for me. I felt a bit guilty so stopped on Sunday.

And I decided to get a new tattoo in memory of my losses. I’ll post pics when I get it.

I think I have one more try left in me. Last week was horrendous and I’m only taking one day at a time. I had to tell A that I didn’t want to do a donor cycle. She isn’t covered by my Cobra (too expensive) and her current insurance doesn’t cover IVF. So donor eggs would mean donor egg money. I would be devastated if we did all of that to have it not work again. I’d rather take the risk of disappointment with my own scrambled eggs.

Speaking of which, I have my WTF appointment next Thursday. I can’t think of what they can possibly say to me that I don’t already know. In a slight bright spot, I did advocate for me using metformin. While I’m not truly PCOS in the hormonal sense, my body seems to think I am anyway and metformin MIGHT help, but can’t hurt. Yay, more pills. I started back on birth control last night. And I’m still bleeding.

Not so much of a bright spot– I can’t deal with people. So I don’t check twitter, rarely sign on to Yahoo IM, and deactivated Facebook. I also sent a nasty texts and messages basically telling people how I really feel about their “help.” It felt good.

Cute moment because LA is the greatest, LA has decided she wants to wear big girl undies to bed. The first night, she had no accident. The second night she wet herself as she was waking up and was mortified. Last night, she whined around 4:30 and I went in there only to ask if she needs to go to the bathroom and she said yes. So she woke up this morning dry too. (A convinced me to stop running to her every beck and cry in the middle of the night because LA doesn’t learn to self-soothe, and if she really needs something LA usually just gets out of bed and comes to our room). Today she’s home with me because her school is closed for in-service. Let’s see how she does in big girl undies all day!

We are going down this path because LA knows the difference when she’s naked and when she has on pull-ups. When she’s in pull-ups, she doesn’t bother asking to go to the bathroom all the time. But when she’s naked, she has zero accidents and will go to the bathroom herself. So basically, she’s lazy in pull-ups, though at school she asks to go to the bathroom more often. Last week I got a fantastic email that she asked to go poop and ran to the bathroom herself. Here’s a funny picture of her with her hoisted up undies that she INSISTED on pulling up that high.



3 comments on “my 500th post

  1. halfadozen
    August 24, 2011

    Been thinking of you, and wondering how you have been… I can appreciate what a hard time you have been having. That dream sounds almost cathartic– like a way of making peace with the pain and anxiety of the whole process… I hope you felt some peace upon waking from it.

    And of course, I send big, healing hugs.

    Good luck next week at the appt and on deciding the next step on the journey. It sounds like you are open to being up at bat again and of course I will hope with every grain of my being, that it will work this next time. If you ever wanna talk, you know where to find me…


  2. autumn
    August 24, 2011

    *Grins* Look who’s growing up! She looks so funny in the first pic with her undies pulled so far up. LOL

    “I also sent a nasty texts and messages basically telling people how I really feel about their “help.”

    ^ ^ This was funny too. 😀


  3. Chocolate Mom
    August 25, 2011

    Congrats!! Here’s to 500 more posts!!


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