l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

still here.. sorta

I’m still alive!

I’d like to pretend that I’m so busy with work that I don’t have time to write. But that’s not completely true.

The truth is that I’m in flux. And that’s a good thing.

After 2 months of so much drama and problems IVF/Donor IVF (remember A as my egg donor), we finally decided to cancel the cycle that never got a chance to start. I AM SO RELIEVED.

And cancel COBRA. AGAIN, SO RELIEVED.

And stop IVF for me. PRAISES!

The truth is that I’ve more or less accepted that those aren’t working for me. And I’m tired of throwing away money, time, effort, and emotions for the same result– scrambled eggs. I am SO over all of that and have no more “but what if we tried…” left in me. These months of not trying have been blissful.. no injections to take, no two week wait. Just being on BC in hopes of starting a donor cycle. I am now having my first period since the last m/c and it’s kind of interesting.

Oh but I have a refrigerator full of meds if anyone’s interested..

Now I’m not completely, completely out (just 90%). My regular non-cobra insurance will pay for IUIs, so perhaps at some point I’ll try those with metformin. And then A will try herself next summer.

These are all just maybes as we know NOTHING is ever at seems in the ttc world.

====

Sidenote: I’m contemplating whether or not I’m going to continue this blog. I’ve been here for almost FOUR YEARS (damn, the journey has been that long). Although this blog hasn’t always been about ttc, I’m itching for a fresh start. At the same time, all of this is also part of who I am. No decisions just yet. Just thinking.

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6 comments on “still here.. sorta

  1. Lesbian Brooklynite
    December 16, 2011

    Thanks for sharing. It is so interesting to hear about women actually going through the process. I know lots of women who talk about, but never tried. I hopE everything works out.

    Like

    • liberationtheory
      January 10, 2012

      Thanks for reading and I hope this can be a tool to help others. I’ve learned SO MUCH from the blog world and I want to pay it forward 🙂

      Like

  2. The Next Beyond
    December 18, 2011

    I just came over here to say you are missed and here you are. Lovely:) As far as keeping on or not . . . I’d really love to see you keep the space and transform it into whatever works for you next. My personal project is integrity, being integrated, being one whole person, in real life and on-line. So, of course I’m going to suggest that direction ;}

    Like

    • liberationtheory
      January 10, 2012

      I’ve thought a lot about this comment over the past month and have decided to move in that very direction– being the fully integrated me. Thank you for that support and nudge, and I hope that this blog translates into that!

      Like

  3. WaWa AKA DramaFree:-)
    December 23, 2011

    You know I love your strength. For us to have never met IRL we have known each other for wow, maybe 15 years. Your writing has always been a piece of motivation for me, because of course I know I am not alone in this. Praying for you and your wife:-)

    Like

    • liberationtheory
      January 10, 2012

      Has it truly been that long? Wow!

      Thank you for your feedback. I didn’t set out to be strong. But life has a way that pushes you to sink or swim. I choose to swim and even fly 🙂 I hope you find this blog helpful in all of your next steps 🙂

      Like

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This entry was posted on December 16, 2011 by in Uncategorized and tagged .

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