l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

When things change

My life’s undulations and the recent wave of celebrity divorces have me thinking about the nature of love, self-preservation, and commitment.

I wish I had answers or some particular insight to share, but alas I’m just human. Instead, I have a plethora of questions that branch from these two:

1-Is it possible to be happy and whole in a relationship where the romance is done, when one has fallen out of love? How do you do that- be happy?

2- Should one stay in a relationship whe n the romance and intimacy has dissolved?

I’m sure there are a ton of answers and I know there is no “right” one. We all have a variety of circumstances. We’ve all tried a many things to cope, to heal, to numb. We all are on our journeys to liberation and this is one test that comes up repeatedly in my life, so I guess it’s time to study this lesson.

What are your answers?


12 comments on “When things change

  1. PoetrysTruth
    January 23, 2012

    My answer is I have no answer. I continue to love the one I’m with, but romance in MY definition just isn’t there. Soooo I do what I can to find happiness, whilst continuing to hope something will change.


    • liberationtheory
      January 23, 2012

      That is exactly the same answer as my therapist. I have more thoughts on that as I’m writing my response via phone in the rain


  2. Autumn
    January 23, 2012

    You know, a friend and I spoke briefly on this a few weeks ago. She and her love went on a couples retreat and spent time exploring what she called the “must haves.” She said that the union was “dead” without intimacy, romance and love. Love, as in making love. We didn’t get to finish the conversation because she had to go back to work but hopefully we can delve into that realm at a later time.


    • liberationtheory
      January 23, 2012

      I wrote up a long piece about love and Self, and it really helped me get clear about things. I”m not sure if I’ll publish it here because it’s lengthy, but I’ll be sure to share with you if you like 🙂


  3. Rashida
    January 23, 2012

    This has been on my mind for so long and I honestly have no idea. This is why, since I was a little girl, I’ve always been afraid of marriage and long term commitment. Now as an adult, I want a successful, happy relationship where we stay in love but I keep facing this. How do you make “it” last? Does it transcend to another level of love? Do I just need to adjust my expectations? Is happiness up to me? Can I choose it regardless of what I’m experiencing or do I need to adjust my experiences to be happy? Thanks for writing about this! 🙂 I hope you find answers because I sure don’t have any…


    • liberationtheory
      January 23, 2012

      Yall are convincing me to share what I’m learning, though I don’t have any answer either..

      I will say this much- I have no regrets about trying regardless of the outcome.


  4. Autumn
    January 23, 2012

    Yes maam, I surely am. Share away.


  5. weddedwife
    January 24, 2012

    I think this all depends on how one defines romance. I look at romance as being a interplay of several factors. Some people want TVish romantic episodes; while others what their hand to be held while you grocery shop.

    I think everyone has to be honest with themselves about what they need from their partner to remain engaged and alive within their relationship. My wife doesn’t really need much from me to feel romanced. A simple smile, eye contact hug, and I love you. Myself on the other hand needs more. I make sure I communicate my needs and even my desires.

    If you feeling like the romance within your relationship is dead then we also need to look into other things as well. There may need to be an assessment of the relationship on various levels.


  6. Pingback: Your Self in love: When Things Change follow-up « l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

  7. Pingback: A Beginner’s Mind in Love: When Things Change, Part 3 « l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

  8. Reflections of Autumn
    February 24, 2013

    A familiar road.

    “I wrote up a long piece about love and Self, and it really helped me get clear about things. I”m not sure if I’ll publish it here because it’s lengthy, but I’ll be sure to share with you if you like :)”

    Did you ever share this, Lib?


  9. liberationtheory
    February 24, 2013

    I may have with my subsequent pieces to this. But honestly, I’m not sure if it’s exactly what I was referring to here because I simply don’t remember! Here are the follow ups to this though: https://liberationtheory.wordpress.com/tag/your-self-in-love/


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This entry was posted on January 23, 2012 by in commitment, divorce, intimacy, lesbian relationships, love, relationships, romance, Uncategorized, your self in love and tagged .

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