l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

What I Found in the Laundry

Source: starrshine.tumblr.com via Aleia on Pinterest

I had this strange dream last night about laundry. I was in the sky blue house that I grew up in, and there were piles of laundry spread all over the backyard. They were taller than me, and my wife kept shoveling more and more clothes into it. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume, especially given that my washing machine is a small stackable and can only hold a few pieces at a time.

When I awoke this morning, I was confused about the dream meaning. Was it a sign that I need to do step up my domestic duties? Am I feeling anxious about getting back on schedule after more than a week of being homebound due to Hurricane Sandy? Are am I simply lacking sleep hand having nonsensical night experiences?

I decided to look it up the meaning, since my friend L swears by these interpretations. I expected it to say “wash your damn clothes.” But it didn’t. The meaning was so spot on that it was uncanny.

Laundry

To dream that you are doing your laundry suggests that you are cleaning up your act or changing your image. Perhaps, you are too concerned about how you appear to others.

To dream that you are sorting the laundry indicates that you are trying to understand your own feelings and sort your attitudes.

See, during these past few weeks, and even more so since the hurricane, I’ve been going within. Not depression, not a rut, but a strong pull to sit with myself, to get to the heart of me. What I’ve been learning during this time is that I don’t always act out of honor to true myself. In her book Tapping the Power Within (2008), Iyanla Vanzant shares that “spirituality is about having one’s mind, heart, and behavior in alignment” (p. 38). I know what my heart and soul says, but I don’t align my actions with that. Instead, I excuse my feelings, justify others over mine, avoid, and project. I allow fear and guilt to guide my actions.

[Honor] is the internal impetus not to discount or deny who you are, what you know, or what you feel at any given time. To honor is take a stand for yourself, within yourself, and to stand for what you know to be true for you, regardless of any opposition (p. 54).

As my friend Em says, guilt is a wasted emotion. It isn’t transformative. So in my thirty-fourth year, I’m choosing to honor myself and to spend some getting know exactly what my Self needs and values, not as a reaction to lack. Authenticity and honor?

This is going to be an amazing year.

[Because you care, I took a break midway through writing this to organize my laundry, and I’m on a mission today to get it done!]

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8 comments on “What I Found in the Laundry

  1. C.D. Beatrice Clay
    November 6, 2012

    This –>”I know what my heart and soul says, but I don’t align my actions with that” is such a powerful and loving conviction. I too know what my heart and soul says but I ignore it. My heart and soul wants to be healthy and clear but I ignore those urgings and instead give in to sleeplessness and sugar. The funny and heartbreaking thing about it all (and I swear to you this is all hitting me right now), is that in many of my relationships I feel like I am begging to be honored and cared for. How can I possibly expect others to give me something I don’t even give myself. I mean I literally ignore how awful sugar makes me feel or how sluggish meat makes me or how hopeless praylessness leaves me. I am so not trying to be sappy or play victim here, it’s just so odd having this sort of awakening while commenting on a blog post. I have so much ME work to do. I am just grateful for the awakening. Thanks for sharing this A.

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  2. liberationtheory
    November 6, 2012

    This is why we are sisters because I’m right.there.with.you. This lack of alignment has always been this quiet nagging that I’ve tried to push under the rug, not taking action because of fear or guilt. It never occurred to me just how much I was hurting myself and inviting other people to hurt me! I thought that if I took care of everything and everybody, then I would be taken care of. I think there’s a word for that- codependency. As a woman of God, I want to have more spiritual integrity than that. And it means that I have to walk the walk, take action for what I KNOW my spirit is telling me. I’m not completely “there” yet, but I’m awake. And I’m vowing to do the action, not evade, substitute, escape, or self-medicate. It’s a challenge, but WE are up for it! Our lives depend on it.

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  3. Pingback: 11 Ways to Honor Yourself « l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

  4. hersandhers
    November 11, 2012

    I already shared my dream with you. Thanks so much for this post. Definitely an eye-opener. Maybe I need to do a blog post about my dream. It’s definitely time to honor myself!

    Like

    • liberationtheory
      November 11, 2012

      I’m glad it resonated with you, and yes!! Self-honor is a MUST!!

      Like

  5. Autumn
    November 14, 2012

    Thank you as always for being transparent. I may come back to share the ways in which this has resonated with me, and then again, I may not. If I do not return just know that this has pulled something from within me that I have been trying to ignore.

    Peace

    Like

    • liberationtheory
      November 14, 2012

      You are in my prayers and I’m thankful for being able to share a piece of God in my truth.

      Like

  6. Autumn
    November 15, 2012

    🙂 Thank you. I appreciate it.

    Like

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