love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
I had this strange dream last night about laundry. I was in the sky blue house that I grew up in, and there were piles of laundry spread all over the backyard. They were taller than me, and my wife kept shoveling more and more clothes into it. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume, especially given that my washing machine is a small stackable and can only hold a few pieces at a time.
When I awoke this morning, I was confused about the dream meaning. Was it a sign that I need to do step up my domestic duties? Am I feeling anxious about getting back on schedule after more than a week of being homebound due to Hurricane Sandy? Are am I simply lacking sleep hand having nonsensical night experiences?
I decided to look it up the meaning, since my friend L swears by these interpretations. I expected it to say “wash your damn clothes.” But it didn’t. The meaning was so spot on that it was uncanny.
To dream that you are doing your laundry suggests that you are cleaning up your act or changing your image. Perhaps, you are too concerned about how you appear to others.
To dream that you are sorting the laundry indicates that you are trying to understand your own feelings and sort your attitudes.
See, during these past few weeks, and even more so since the hurricane, I’ve been going within. Not depression, not a rut, but a strong pull to sit with myself, to get to the heart of me. What I’ve been learning during this time is that I don’t always act out of honor to true myself. In her book Tapping the Power Within (2008), Iyanla Vanzant shares that “spirituality is about having one’s mind, heart, and behavior in alignment” (p. 38). I know what my heart and soul says, but I don’t align my actions with that. Instead, I excuse my feelings, justify others over mine, avoid, and project. I allow fear and guilt to guide my actions.
[Honor] is the internal impetus not to discount or deny who you are, what you know, or what you feel at any given time. To honor is take a stand for yourself, within yourself, and to stand for what you know to be true for you, regardless of any opposition (p. 54).
As my friend Em says, guilt is a wasted emotion. It isn’t transformative. So in my thirty-fourth year, I’m choosing to honor myself and to spend some getting know exactly what my Self needs and values, not as a reaction to lack. Authenticity and honor?
[Because you care, I took a break midway through writing this to organize my laundry, and I’m on a mission today to get it done!]