love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
The funny thing about healing and teaching is that it’s a non-linear, reciprocal process. Healing doesn’t happen in a neat order where each step is of the same intensity and you complete them in a regular, measured fashion. Instead, you take one step forward, two steps backwards, another step to the left, and then might tumble past several at once. It’s quite possible and even normal that you dwell in some steps longer than others and keep having to do a particular step repeatedly before it sinks in.
Life is messy.
Teaching is similar. As I write about this process and offering the lessons I learn, I hear them clearer for myself. I had a low moment earlier this week when I felt defeated, fearful, and not valuable. Anything I had written earlier this week about being present and accepting of the process was out of the window. I just wanted all the drama and crap that I’m going through to be over. I slung lots of snot, finally opened to my friends, and let them hold up the mirror to me about what I know and believe (and told me to get a backbone). I woke up the next morning appreciative of not only them, but remembering that this is a process and through it I’m getting stronger and more whole.
Healing is a funny thing.