l.i.b.e.r.a.t.i.o.n. theory

love, life, and the pursuit of liberation

Eff You

eff you

People have been checking in on me over the past few weeks wondering how I’m doing. Truthfully, I’m all over the place—excited, sad, nervous, grateful, and uncertain. I’m also angry. Very angry.

Now, to the ordinary observer, I’m anything but angry. Hell, I’ve even lied to myself and have almost convinced myself that I’m a bastion of peace, kumbaya, and all sorts of metaphysical bliss like that. The truth has a way of seeping in. The anger comes when I find myself recalling certain events, replaying words and ugliness, and connecting dots between moments in the past. The venom I feel and the fresh pain that comes with it lets me know I’m very much in the midst of real anger.

Here’s the rub. I wouldn’t consider myself an angry person. Remember the guy in Anger Management who was in deep denial about his anger? That’s me. I take pride that I can be the bigger person at times and see the silver lining. I’m starting to realize that perhaps I truly am angry and that failure to acknowledge it is doing myself a disservice. I don’t think it’ll do any good to break things, spew nastiness, and curse out the people who have truly hurt me in unimaginable ways. But I have to figure out how to give light to this feeling so that it doesn’t continue to poison my present, and so that I can eventually get to the place of forgiveness for my OWN healing.

I imagine that a series of posts will come from these musings about anger and forgiveness, and as always I am not claiming to have it all figured out. What I do know is that I’m not the only one that has felt like this, and maybe we’ll all come out of this better.

Stay tuned.

In the meantime, check out this pastor’s spin on F You

 

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2 comments on “Eff You

  1. Davina
    March 26, 2013

    Yes…all day yes. Recently, a spiritual mentor told me that, “Sometimes us spiritual folks stay up in our heads and try so hard to remain our higher selves that we forget that we are also human and should defend ourselves and it’s ok to feel.” I needed that at that moment because I was trying to convince myself why I needed to pray for someone who was wronging me instead of saying, “I don’t like this and I won’t allow it to keep happening.” As much as we embrace positive feelings and act on them, we should also know when it’s ok to acknowledge those feelings that make us uncomfortable and to use those instincts to our greater good also.

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  2. Pingback: Anger Management | Gail's Forum

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This entry was posted on March 26, 2013 by in anger, anger management, divorce, forgiveness, Uncategorized and tagged .

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