love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
So much on my mind this morning, and even more that I’m trying to push out of my mind. My heart is going out to the communities of West, Texas, those in Boston, Massachusetts, and the countless others that suffer this type of violence on such a regular basis that it no longer gets airtime as “Breaking News.” In three weeks, I will be moving away from a life I’ve known for six years and motherhood as it’s been for four years, and I work each day to keep myself together and focused on the beauty and lessons that this transition is affording me.
One thing that I’ve come to embrace is defining myself and my how I operate in relationships more clearly. I’ve spent so very much time trying to “fix” myself to be more attractive, more understanding, less vocal, less needy, more reassuring, more submissive in the hopes that if I’m “better,” I’ll be more worthy of love, and more likely to have my needs taken care of. Perfectly well-adjusted people might shake their heads at this logic and raise a banner touting the self-love they’ve had since they were conscious of being a Self. That was never me. My logic is deep-seated and pervasive, but I’m fortunate to now see that it doesn’t have to be permanent. Three things have been major tools in helping me consider myself worthy and have helped me on this healing journey.
God and spirituality
It may sound clichéd but there is no way at all I could be where I am without my relationship with God. God has been nothing short of miraculous in my life, even through my trials of infertility and the uncertainty of my place in religion and the confusion that has been love and life. The “coincidences,” the teachers, the gladiators, the books, the therapists, and the strangers that have reflected back to me the voice and love of God have been transformative. When I am feeling lost and broken or happy and whole, I feel absolutely confident in knowing whose I am.
I don’t know how I would make sense of the world, my heart, and my life if I couldn’t write. I need words and language to process how I feel and what I think. Writing this blog has saved me in so many ways. It’s forced me to get to the heart of the matter and be a vessel for the truth bubbling inside of me. Writing is who I AM and I am thankful that it’s had a positive impact on so many of you. This is just the beginning!! (Sidenote: The song “Beautiful” by India.Arie just came up on my Jango station. Talk about synchronism! See the video below)
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment
If you are in a relationship, about to be in one, or leaving one, you need to read this! Yes, that means every single person. It has been SUCH a game changer in how I see relationships and it’s changed my life. For real. I’ve recommended this to no less than 15 people (even bought copies for a few of you) and they’ve recommended it to everyone they know. This book is not your typical self-help book that’s trying to get you to change your behaviors or be “better.” It’s about embracing who you are. In a nutshell, it helps you to see your relationship attachment type WITHOUT JUDGEMENT and gives you insight into what you need in a partner, what types of partners don’t mesh well with your type, and empowers you to be more secure and vocal in asking for what you need. Pick it up here.
This is what’s been on my mind today. I hope that your Friday is equally reflective and the beginning of a peaceful weekend. Be liberated.