love, life, and the pursuit of liberation
I am a student of life and strive to understand the point of it all. I want to make sure that my time on this earth isn’t wasted. Sometimes that results in me biting off more than I can chew or being self-deprecating because I don’t feel good enough. Lent, a time that is holy and spiritually important for me, has the tendency to exacerbate my perfectionist nature. I want to be diligent and “right” about my piety and gratitude for God’s sacrifice and greatest gift. As a result, I usually meet my Lenten goal but struggle during the weeks leading up to find the “right” kind of luxury to sacrifice.
I was minding my business when…
This year I was all ready to sacrifice bread and fries for the next forty days. I knew I needed to break my addiction (mostly emotional) to carbs and it would be a feat to not run around the corner to McDonald’s for a small fry from the dollar menu when the school day felt particularly stressful. Up until Tuesday evening, I was geared up and even texted a few friends during my long stops in the heavy traffic home. I also had a few minutes to read Marsha Philitas article on Elixher.com about self-care being sacred activism and that act of traffic boredom turned what Lent means to me all on its head.
Things fall apart…
See, these last few days had been emotional whirlwinds of taking on too many responsibilities with flutters of Lupita’s gorgeousness floating through. Bishop Jakes’ message about remembering we are giraffes and need not to concentrate on turtles has been echoing through my mind, while the siren of grief and loss has tried to beckon me to the ocean floor. In traffic, I remembered me telling 8th grade girls that crying because someone stared at you wrong is silly and means NOTHING in the cosmic scheme of things, and I saw the world and hereafter form into the divine lesson of goodness and kindness and service and love. As I read “Self-Care as Sacred Activism” all of that collided to remind me of this: That which does not serve me also does not serve God because through me and the gifts He bestowed upon me is one way that He expresses love.
The point of it all…
This Lenten season is not going to be one of self-neglect but one of self-care.
— It will be one where I wake each day and commit to doing just one thing for myself, as I remember that I have unique gifts to share but cannot if I don’t put my oxygen mask on first and if I forget God’s special purpose for me.
— I will not commit to another thing that does not serve that unique calling.
— I will find ways to bow out of my over-commitments gracefully.
I will honor God by honoring me.